Updated: Oct 6, 2020
Lately I’ve been struggling with finding ways to divide my time. It seems no matter how I rearrange the list... from least stressful to most stressful, from easiest to hardest to complete, from most enjoyable to “I can do without it”… I couldn’t quite find the right balance. No matter how I flipped it, I’m was left with feeling overwhelmed and overly tired… mentally that is.
I felt like I was being pulled in a thousand directions and in desperate need of a break! Even with all of those emotions, I continued to take on new tasks, grant favors for family, commit to outings with friends, & put up with the various obstacles that dating in your 20s brings you. All of that plus the weight of my new senior role at my full time job, and my desperate attempts at being more consistent with my Millennial Girls duties… girl I WAS DRAINED!
I remember waking up one day & saying to myself… “Brae, something’s gotta give”. I looked at my goals I had set for the year & reminisced on all of the “I ain’t going through this, this & that next year"s I spat out at the end of 2018, and I realized something.
I realized that those goals I set and the affirmations I proclaimed were lost. I realized that I had spent the last few months living as an outer shell of myself. I was adding things to my todo list so I wouldn’t feel ‘lazy’. I was doing favors simply because I didn’t want the guilt. I was committing to outings just to show face. I was putting up with men I knew I was too good for. I was not me… or at least the woman I vowed to become.
That’s when I realized that in order to get back to ‘me’, I had to be just a little more selfish. I had to find the courage to put myself first. I say courage because the literal definition of selfish is lacking consideration for others, which can be sort of off putting. But a synonym for selfish is self-loving.
I knew that I had to show myself more love and be fair to myself. To take my self care more seriously. I needed to find ways to be giving, caring, show up for others, all while showing up for myself! I had to be just a little more SELFISH!
Since then I’ve made a few changes and I can wholeheartedly say I am a happier more fulfilled person because of those changes. I now factor in ‘me time’ on my hefty list of todos! I reasonably extend favors while having the courage to ask others for help when I need it! I accept/decline plans based on how I feel & not how I think my friends will feel (they are my friends for a reason... they completely understand)! I set my dating standards and stick with them, anyone who falls below my expectations is not someone for me!
I am one selfishly self-loving woman, & certainly proud to ME!
It’s okay to be selfish sometimes ladies. Making your self care a #1 priority is not something you’ll ever regret! Putting yourself first doesn't make you a selfless person. Sometimes we have to first take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. Oftentimes we feel overwhelmed and don’t know how to get from under the stress. The lines between self inflicted stress and outside factors begin to blur. Truth be told, the only true way to find solace is by checking in with yourself!